Something to say.

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I’ve got a big, dark secret.

Not that I’m gay, most of you probably know that already.

I’ve struggled with an “eating disorder” for lack of a better term, for most of my life. Very few people know this outside of my immediate family.

Not a traditional eating disorder, like over-eating, under-eating, bulimia, I could go on.

I’m… “afraid”… of food.

I don’t know why, or if that is really the right word to use, but it’s what I’ve been told my whole life.

Some of you have probably noticed that the only foods I seem to eat are Chicken Tenders and Pizza, as far as things that can be considered meals go. I am 19 years old, and still eat like I eat off the kid’s menu.

I honestly don’t even know how to explain it either. When there’s something in front of me that someone is offering me, I just can’t find the courage or strength or whatever inside force I need to open my mouth and try it.

I don’t blame anyone, and neither should anyone else.

I just.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

So, very much in the fashion of my coming out back in 2014, I’m writing this, with a little more than no idea whether I will post it.

Quite frankly, I’ve got work in half an hour, so this isn’t very well thought out I’m sure, and I don’t want to think about it anymore, especially not when I need to be working. So I’m writing it out, getting it out of my head. I’ve been trying to tackle this quietly on my own in my own little corner of my roles in your lives and, if I want to change this, I need help.

This is a cry for help.

I don’t know what any of you can really do to help me.

I’m not a cold turkey person (ha), I don’t respond to forced change or the forcing of food down my throat – which has happened. I think it’s a texture thing, which is something I’ve been told many a time when trying to deal with this.

 

Really, any advice or ideas anyone has to help me would be really appreciated.

 

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